Episode 922 Scott Adams: Feel Better Before Drifting Off to Sleep Later. A New Filter on Reality.
Date: 2020-04-19 | Duration: 36:24
Topics
My new book LOSERTHINK, available now on Amazon https://tinyurl.com/rqmjc2a Content: The definition of charisma Dating and relationship advice
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## Transcript
[0:15]
super 18 first day on periscope how about that good evening Erin and Carla and dan dan good to see you too well as you might know there's not a lot going on in the world of coronavirus we are not learning much more and we're not getting better than foreign but I'll tell you what I know and then if you stick around Thank You Omar if you stick around I can give you some relationship tips yeah relationship tips because if you want to learn how to have a successful relationship who do you ask well obviously me now I don't have all the answers in this domain or even close but I'll give you a different different way to look at things that might be useful to you we'll do that after we talked about all the things in the news so I've been waiting to hear this number
[1:16]
so I've been waiting to hear this number and I heard an estimate and now I don't think it's accurate but I'll tell you what it is I've been wondering how many tests we would have to do per day of the coronavirus in order to be able to open up the country isn't that a really important number how many of you can give me the answer before I tell you the answer which i think is inaccurate but before I tell you the answer how many would know how many tests we would need to be able to do per day ongoing in order to all right I've got to do a sticks and hammer move with my cat throw her over my shoulder not having it all right if you're just listening to this you did not know that wrestling with a cat on a live stream and she just wouldn't suddenly quiet okay all right what was I saying oh yeah so
[2:17]
all right what was I saying oh yeah so I'm waiting waiting for your guesses how many tests we'd have to do per day I just read on CNN that we would need to do 500,000 a day and that we're doing a little over a hundred thousand a day though yeah so somebody says half a million you had you were up on your news whoever said half a million that is that's the number that CNN was reporting and I tweeted just before I got on I saw a tweet for him if at Backman who said he's heard numbers up to a million now this is not really the kind of thing that anybody has a way of estimating so this is the sort of thing where you have to be will say very forgiving about the experts estimates because there's probably not any real way to know how many you have to test per day but I think they can sort of put you in the you know the generals zip code of the number let's say it's half a million to a million and we've got a little over a hundred thousand M so we're not really
[3:20]
hundred thousand M so we're not really close and I guess the question I have is how quickly could we ramp up from not doing that many to do it a million a day so that should tell you when you're when you're safe to get back to work but I think the states are going to do their own thing what do you think about the fact that the president has not only told the states that they can make their own decisions with them within the guidelines but they have plenty of flexibility but then he he tweeted liberate Michigan and then liberate Minnesota and liberate Virginia and he mentioned the Second Amendment when he was talking about Virginia and some people said wait a minute is he calling for a revolution is he calling for an armed revolution well no because he's in charge why would he call it for an armed revolution against the government he's in charge of now I I know we're talking about the States but now now the
[4:21]
about the States but now now the president doesn't want some kind of insurrection but I'm sure he wouldn't mind a little bit of a protesting about the stuff that's maybe over the line so this is a good example of what I would call creative tension nobody knows the right answer and I'll say that a million times anybody who says they know when we should go back to work or how long we should wait or even how we should do it or how many tests we need nobody really knows not only do we not know we're probably not even than the general ballpark you know I don't think anybody's even close to knowing you know the big stuff so let's say let's watch the number of tests and maybe we can get back to work all right what I was thinking about creative tension is that I think it's good that some part of the public and the president are putting pressure on the states to open up yes early as they
[5:24]
the states to open up yes early as they can because this creative pressure you know you would want the president to have the same impulse as the public because he's really good at reading the crowd and I think he's read the crowd at least in those important states you know swing states the cetera are they all swing states let's see what are they Virginia Minnesota Michigan well they're all pretty important electoral electorally speaking so I think it's worked for the president to side with the public as long as all it is is peaceful demonstrating and if there's one thing that Republicans are good at its peaceful demonstrating is there any group any identifiable group in the United States that would do a better job consistently of peaceful demonstrations now they might come armed to the teeth but nobody has taken the safety off Republicans are just notoriously safe when they protest you know I don't know
[6:26]
when they protest you know I don't know maybe there'd be some kind of you could imagine the situation in which things have gone too far and then they would be the most dangerous people in the galaxy but we're not we're nowhere near that yeah we're talking about you know negotiating what makes sense in a world where everybody is trying to do the right thing you don't really have a revolution when you know that everybody involved is actually trying to do the right thing yeah there's nobody here who's trying to grab power I mean you know they're playing some games in Congress but that's not the big story so you don't have a revolution when everybody knows they're on the same team they just they just have a disagreement about the way forward so I would say that that is a much safer situation then maybe the news would like to make it so that you feel a little more frightened by it you you could pour 10 million Trump supporters into a zip code angry as heck armed to the teeth and it would be no trouble like that
[7:27]
and it would be no trouble like that that's pretty much who they are it's almost a it's almost a description of the group is they you could put 10 million of them into the same zip code angry as hell armed to the teeth and nobody would get hurt that's that's almost a perfect description of that group anyway I was just watching a clip from Tucker Carlson show in which you're saying that the intelligence community is now unanimous you know and the intelligence community is a bunch of different organizations right CIA FBI blah blah and apparently all of the intelligence agencies are unanimous that the virus almost certainly came from the wuhan lab accidentally nobody thinks there's no suggestion that it was designed to be a weapon now is there anything that you see wrong with the fact that every one of our intelligence agencies agrees does that make you feel
[8:30]
agencies agrees does that make you feel pretty comfortable because if there's anything that scares me it's all the intelligence agencies agreeing yeah do we live in a world in which the fact that all the intelligence agencies agrees means anything I wish you did I wish it been something unfortunately it doesn't it doesn't now I'm not saying that they're wrong because how would I know I'm just saying that it's I don't know if it's sad or it's unfortunate I can't even tell if it's good news or bad news but I can tell you that I personally put no stock in the fact that all of our intelligence agencies yeah it's the all 17 agencies again I put no stock in that I give no credibility to the fact that our intelligence agencies are unanimous none not not even a smidge now do I think it
[9:33]
not not even a smidge now do I think it came from the lab yeah probably I think it probably did but I don't need the intelligence agencies to tell me that if it's true that they didn't have bats there and it's true we've heard these stories about the the in turn and it's true they do that work there you know two plus two you know you don't have to be an intelligence agency to to put that together I don't think yeah we could of course you can't be a hundred percent sure but I think it's pretty close to hundred all right how many of you have taken the opportunity of this force time out to improve something do you know I've asked this before but I like to ask at least once a week how many of you have done something there was sort of long overdue to build a skill to maybe look into another career to improve something about yourself you know okay in the comments give me some sense just in a sentence
[10:35]
give me some sense just in a sentence did you lose any weight did you learn a thing you know did you make any any improvement in your life because you had time so there's a little delay in the comments it'll take me a while to see those so I'll tell you that in my case I think I've lost several pounds I'm in great shape eating better than I've ever eaten before I've you know completed two projects business-wise were really important to me you'll hear more about those in a little while and oh yes good somebody I'm learning German cooking songwriting skills started exercising thumbs up started biking built a picnic table core strength better throw tomahawks learned to weld moved his tapes to files computer program you're automating stuff writing a book security and certification good that's a good good thing to have learning sign language do a lot of art
[11:38]
learning sign language do a lot of art work learn to quote oh this is amazing I am so proud of all of you you read my book leaves to think thank you exercise exercise quit smoking 45 minute walks good for you look at all these people losing weight I'm very impressed with all of you really learned chess by app reduced material possessions well okay that probably wasn't your choice building a doghouse for the neighbor that's nice to you improving on camera skills better biceps decluttered walking the William HOF method bike riding Wow quit opiates I don't know if that's real but if you did you have my respect because I know how hard that is gained weight laundry is piling up well it's not working for everybody 250 250 push-ups daily Wow writing a song building a shotgun house wow I'm so impressed well I thought what I would do
[12:39]
impressed well I thought what I would do today is add a little bit more to your success so I'm going to teach you some relationship tips and tricks so this is a new filter to put on on life I always talk about you know reality being at least a little subjective in terms of how you experience it and that you can change your filter and instantly have a different subjective experience if you learn to do that so I'm going to give you another filter and really learning to do it is is just being familiar that the filter exists you don't have to try too hard if you once you've been introduced to a new way to look at things well it's just always there this is part tool box so he has something you to your tool box it starts like this let's say you want to impress a mate I believe that just about everything that we do in this world is somehow related to the mating instinct now of course this isn't me saying this alone this is be I think
[13:41]
me saying this alone this is be I think very similar to what biologists and evolutionary biologists especially would say they would say that pretty much everything we do is some kind of a signaling or or preparing for or because of our mating instinct now that's that's the filter that I want to give you so start with that let's say you want to build a better relationship or you want to start a relationship with somebody and you haven't so so if you take this filter and say okay if everything is about mating even if we don't think of it that way how would you act differently and here's that what I would suggest you should always in in the animal kingdom the way they would attract the mate would be showing off and you know a peacock can show off and I don't know if that's really a mating thing but let's say it is but animals will sort of display and show off and you know try to be dominant and stuff but most of that stuff doesn't
[14:43]
and stuff but most of that stuff doesn't work in human society because if you try to challenge somebody to you know a horn budding contest that doesn't go well if you try to you know just yell how great you are in public that doesn't as well I know I've tried and so what do you do if you're a human you still have to signal some kind of reproductive quality and here's what I suggest you should find something or ideally more than one thing then you can be unusually good at and it should either demonstrate that you're smart or strong or talented athletic anyone musical you know any one of those talents or skills or qualities if you can figure out how to hold any of those starting with whatever you're good at but see if you can become really good at something just by you know brute force and practice and then you have to figure out how to broadcast it and that's the
[15:45]
out how to broadcast it and that's the hard part so you might need a you know a wing band or a wing woman to say hey do you know you know she's not just good luck and she's also you know she's one of the best doctors in the world or whatever so you should have a wing person or some other indirect way to signal that you have qualities that people want to mate with and if you ask people hey why are you attracted why oh let me get to humor in a moment that's a big that's a mistake if you ask somebody hey you know make a list of all the things that attract you in a mate they would make a list but it would be all wrong because people don't really know why they like what they like so nowhere on the list would be this person displayed a good genetic material and I think making a baby with this person would cause them to be smart or you know athletic or strong or something whatever
[16:46]
athletic or strong or something whatever that quality is nobody would say that they say stuff like well somebody who loves his mother you know it would be a completely unaware list so that's that's the wrong filter the wrong filter is that people are rational they make their checklist and they say yep I need this and this of this a little bit you know there's certainly some things that people just need you know have to talk the same language you know some basics
but I think that people are just biologically triggered by being around anybody who has some strong quality and it almost doesn't matter what it is any really strong qualities just automatically triggers your biological instinct to say well it won't abate with that so that's your first drink so use the filter that everything that everybody does and says the way they dress the way they talk you know the jobs they take it's all some kind of expression of the debate the meaning instinct even if they're not trying to make somebody said sense of
[17:51]
trying to make somebody said sense of humor here's my next tip nobody likes that yeah have your men especially men man if you ever been told that you know women really like a guy with a sense of humor you've probably heard it probably probably women have told you that I'll bet women have said you know one of the things I liked about you sure your sense of humor you've probably heard lots of people say that's a positive quality talk about their mates yeah is really funny it's all a lie it's all a lie if you if you're a guy and you want to attract a woman don't do it with the jokes now I'm not my dogs having a dream and dream barking in the other room if you hear that no I'm not saying that there couldn't be somebody in the world who is just so funny that that they really sell themselves with their humor but I do
[18:51]
themselves with their humor but I do humor for a living and I gotta tell ya I've never seen it work in any kind of a you know dating romance situation it's great to have you know it you know it's great to add on you know if you're attracted anyway but I think humor humor sort of pushes you into the friendzone if you know what I mean humor takes away some of the seriousness and power for most people again there could be an exception somebody who's just so funny in just the right way it works but in general I would hold off on the jokes a little you know gentle humor fine until until you're actually in a relationship Cristina and I were were literally crying last night we were laughing sword I'll tell you what we're laughing at just so you can get a sense of it but in our early days I was not I was not trying to showcase my sense of humor because it's just not a good strategy here's what we were laughing about I was
[19:52]
here's what we were laughing about I was I was telling Christina that I would be immortal in this that once my physical body went my mind would be uploaded into the into the cloud which I mean seriously and then eventually the technology would be such that I could appear as a hologram and I would just sort of appear wherever she was in the future yeah here I'm assuming that she lives Lee sure the fair assumption and that I would I would haunt her I was going through all the different ways out haunt her like when she opens the refrigerator at my hologram which is go hey you know jump out of the refrigerator and you know she goes into the bathroom and she opens the lid and I would my hologram would just jump out of the toilet go hey and I would just think it was really funny and that would be like the funniest ghost hologram of all time and I would just sort of appear or or she'd wake up in the middle of the night and I'd be laying on top of her but it was just me by hologram yeah wouldn't actually be couldn't actually feel it so anyway so
[20:52]
couldn't actually feel it so anyway so we started going through all of the humorous things that my hologram would do when it starts haunting her for eternity and just appearing in the house in different places and we just started like screaming and crying because it was so funny but you know we're in a long-term relationship in which case humor is great it's great in a long-term relationship but it's not really a courtship thing so so tone that down a little bit otherwise you end up in the friend zone I think that there's probably one thing that matters more than just about anything except you know maybe power and Status those are always good but fitness the the one most approachable thing the one thing you have the most control over is your fitness and this is something that a a suit salesman taught me years ago there's one of the coolest life lessons I was I was buying a suit and
[21:53]
lessons I was I was buying a suit and the suit salesman was real good salesman and you know so you end up spending a lot of time with your salesman if you're buying a suit and I I was making some self-deprecating humor about the fact that it didn't matter what my suit look like because if you know if you're big short bald guy with glasses there's just so much you can do it's not like you can you can't fix that with a good suit so I was just making a self-deprecating joke killing time was having my suit fitted and these suit salesman gave me the best was some of the best advice I've ever heard in my life and he said this he said that if you if you work out and get your body and you know better than normal shape so that you know people would recognize that you're above average and you're just your fitness he said nobody will notice you're bald and I laughed because I was like well you know that that's that's a little too far right you can't you can't exercise until
[22:55]
right you can't you can't exercise until people don't notice you're bald and then I noticed he was bald hadn't noticed hadn't noticed until he told me because he was he was just ripped and so when I saw him even though he was you know Justin suit himself you could tell you know his chest was just ripped and so he had to tell me he was bald I think I think if I had done a an artist sketch I don't know if I would have drawn drawn him without hair and you've seen it yourself right you go to the gym and you see that the person who's out of shape and they're bald and that there's just bald and then you see the person walk by who's ripped and he's shaved his head he's not bald right he's just got a look so this was one of these great things that this shoe salesman Tommy Wright and I swear I think has made me work out harder because you know it's not just how you feel and it's not just about
[23:56]
how you feel and it's not just about your health it's all those things too but it's also a cool illusion it's an optical illusion you can look taller you can look younger you can look sexier you can look smarter you can look more capable and you can look like you have hair and all you have to do is take care of your physical fitness so if somebody's giving you you know dating or relationship advice and it doesn't include work on your face then it's missing a huge part all right
I've told you before that the definition of charisma that I heard from somebody else and this is just such a good formula for this it's empathy plus power you've heard me talk about this so the empathy is knowing that you care about somebody and then the power is can you make things happen because if you're a relationship you want somebody who cares about you and also can make things happen so you're looking for charisma in your
[24:57]
so you're looking for charisma in your partner so what so if you're trying to be you know look like a good mate then you should look like you care ideally you should actually care it's better it's better if you actually care but the reality is we all have to signal we care caring on the inside isn't good enough in the society we live in you have to care in a way that people say so they get it you know silently suffering with your empathy nobody wants that they want to know that you got empathy so definitely show your empathy but also make sure you show your power if you're a guy so this is more guy guy advice but I would say that it would apply to women mostly because you want women you know the woman should be empathetic and have power of her own so yeah I guess probably works both ways with maybe a little little emphasis in one direction here's another thing I I find that
[25:58]
here's another thing I I find that relationships work best when you've got a good understanding of who's who's got what responsibilities and powers and stuff so trying to try to make everything 5050 it's probably the worst relationship system because you're always gonna be arguing that one of you didn't do enough it's like well yeah I worked all day today did you do the dishes so I've never been a fan of the let's just split it down the middle you know I'll do the dishes this night you do the dishes the next day it's it's hard to organize it's is much better if if the two of you just sort of agreed who does what and you just do your own thing and you they don't overlap that much so there's that and I'm going to tell you a little tip that I discovered years ago when I was in one of those relationships so here's
[26:59]
in one of those relationships so here's ago I was in a relationship where we were trying to you know just share the household duties and stuff but the problem was that let's say my ax let's say that she wasn't around and there was something that broke in the house and I would like work all day fixing that out of the plumbing or cleaning up the mess who the cat vomited on the rug or something so I'll be spending hours cleaning something up but what it's cleaned up it's done there's no sign of it and then you know your partner comes home and does the dishes and then says well I did the dishes and what do you do so we had this problem that we didn't we didn't have visibility of who was doing what because so much of the things that get done the other one wouldn't notice unless you're in the room so we developed a credit system and it wasn't like this you would be responsible for advertising what you did no matter how minor so we would just say you know
[28:02]
minor so we would just say you know credit for cleaning up that dead bird in the backyard and then the other one would have to say you know credit you know just to acknowledge it and you would be amazed how when you take the onus off of the offer your partner you take the onus off of your partner to somehow know what you're doing because how could they you know I've seen in the comments somebody says that sounds terrible Scott it does doesn't it it sounds like a bad idea doesn't it you have to try it because and I'm not saying that we're you know there's no formula that works for every couple everybody's different but if you simply announce that you did something then both you are just announcing what you want credit for and you don't have to worry about not getting credit because if you didn't announce that you did it well it's your own damn fault so it just became more of a game to say yeah credit for doing this credit for doing that and
[29:04]
for doing this credit for doing that and it was it just added visibility to what we were doing so we didn't do anything differently we just increased the visibility and then fell better somebody says keeping score is a bad idea yeah that's why I think you should just you know have some understanding about what your domains are so that there's no keeping score just people taking care of business but if you're going to try to cut it down the middle just be aware that you don't know what you're on what the other ones doing all day so they might be doing more than you think
then I would say look for people who have flaws you can stand because you can't really find people who don't have any problems you don't have somebody says my my ex hated that that's because you didn't agree in advance that that's the system it's not something that one of you can do you know you can't just
[30:05]
of you can do you know you can't just unilaterally say give me credit for my stuff if the other one is you know the plan so I can see whether it be a problem anyway so look for people who have the kind of flaws that you don't mind because yeah everybody is different there's some things that people can't stand and there are some things that people like for example Christine and I both like alone time yeah well as much as we like being with each other we both are introverts by nature but since we both have that quality it's perfect you know it's in a way if if an introvert and extrovert get together it's tension but if two introverts get together like a problem solved so you always look for people who have the Kaido Niva noix I call that a flaw it's just the difference you want to find people whose differences fit together and then I would say never get in a relationship with somebody who has a dog I'll say that
[31:06]
somebody who has a dog I'll say that again never start a relationship with somebody who already owns a dog and if I'm just gonna be silent about that for a moment and I want to see if in the comments if there's anybody who knows what I'm talking about I just want to see the comments I've seen yes you know I'm talking about so so half of you are surprised and I think it's the women right I think it's the women who were mostly surprised don't like the wat why would you not get in a relationship with somebody who already had a dog look at the comments though look how many people are agreed with me don't get in a relationship with somebody who already has a dog let me tell you why you will never be more important than the dog sorry you know those of you who are knowing exactly what I said you've already experienced it if you get into a relationship with
[32:07]
it if you get into a relationship with somebody who already has a dog every date you'll start that you'll start a date it'll be like it's 7 p.m. I really have to get back and let my dog out like you look serious like Saturday night if you have to you're done you got to go back and let your dog out I mean I'm just making up that example but and then the dog will not let you be together when you're in the house the dog will take all the attention the dog will be all all here he talks about just because about the dog you know so yeah if the two of you get together and then you get a dog well that could work that could be fine but you don't want to compete with somebody's dog you can't win
win dog came first yeah yeah you look at the comments there are so many guys I know who got into a relationship with somebody who had a dog and they thought well ok on day one the dog is more
[33:09]
well ok on day one the dog is more important than me right we owned a - sure the dog is more important than me and maybe if we refused first few weeks I get it yeah and maybe even for a few months I get you've been with a dog a long time so yeah I get in the beginning the dog would be more important than me but eventually eventually I'll make up the difference eventually I'll be more important than the dog nope no that's not going to happen all right what about parents I don't know I haven't experienced the parents situation what if both have dogs well that could work a lot better somebody says so don't date people with kids well I won't give you advice like that but I will tell you that if you do date people with kids you should go into it with a realistic understanding of where priorities lie if you're not okay with
[34:11]
priorities lie if you're not okay with that then you should know that from you know day 1 it's not like you're gonna you know move up in the ranking and become more important than some of these children doesn't work that way somebody says I outlive the dogs I love the dogs I love your strategy it's like well I'm just gonna burrow in I know what my life expectancy is I know what this dog's life expectancy is okay I'm gonna play the long game I'm gonna wait till the dog dies always somebody just watched hoaxed it is amazing somebody's saying yeah I've told you before if you watch and you should watch the documentary hoaxed Mike's Rich's documentary I believe it's still I think it's still number one documentary on iTunes of all documentaries I think it's number one and I think it last I checked it was number two of all time on iTunes of all
[35:12]
number two of all time on iTunes of all time so I'm definitely worth it but here's my suggestion if you do watch it you should set aside some time to make sure you watch the whole thing so don't don't watch part of it and take a break it's really sort of a masterpiece and you don't experience it from beginning to end in his fullness you you're gonna miss a really good second half living the kids as bad strategy yeah that's probably bad strategy if you do move up and outrank the kids run yeah yeah you don't want to win that contest right yeah if you found out that happened my wife's dog died and she got another
however somebody says my stepson is the reason I married my wife well I I don't know if you should say that in public but all right I don't have much else to
[36:15]
but all right I don't have much else to teach you today and I will see you in the morning and have a good night